This Yule has been a good one, so far. I am still employed. My weight is holding steady at around 385--which is a good thing, because it means I'm not gaining anything back.
One of my co-workers has taken an interest in my heathenry--not a "ooh, I want to play!" interest. Just a "hey, that's cool" interest. Which is nice, because at least there is one co-worker of mine that I know won't hassle me. And of course there's a Pentecostal that just started--I haven't spoken to her yet, and I don't know that I want to, because I don't really want to be "witnessed to". I was a Christian once, I found it to be an abusive relationship, and I do not wish to go back to it.
Let's move on.
Yesterday I put the sheets in the washer as part of the "12 Cleaning Days of Yule". I couldn't find my cell phone. I figured it was on the floor in the bedroom, and paid it no mind. Then I went to get the sheets out of the washer--and there was Emil (my phone), at the bottom of the washing machine...dead as the proverbial doornail. And did I have Device Protection on it? Of course not. So now, because I don't want to have to pay $300 to get a new phone when I'll be eligible for an upgrade in January, I'm just going to wait until the first week of January and get a new phone...and put Device Protection on it.
Have a joyous Yule, all.
22 December 2010
21 September 2010
Well.
- Hail, day!
- Hail, sons of day!
- And night and her daughter now!
- Look on us here
- with loving eyes,
- That waiting we victory win.
- -
- Hail to the gods!
- Ye goddesses, hail,
- And all the generous earth!
- Give to us wisdom
- and goodly speech,
- And healing hands, life-long. --Sigrdrifa's Prayer
My husband.
This past week he got the results of his latest round of labs back, and the news was not at all good. Our doctor had a long conversation with him (and then with me) and told him that he had to make changes to his lifestyle and eating habits if he wanted to avoid a heart attack and diabetes. He had to drop the pop (for my friends in the South, that'd be sodas), stop treating peanut-butter M&Ms as a food group, and start exercising. In other words, he needed to start listening to me or he'd wind up six feet under and pushing up petunias sooner rather than later.
So now I'm trying to educate him about what is good to eat--at least, from things he is willing to eat--and I'm trying to see if I can tweak some old classics to be more agreeable to his health and mine. For example, pot roast. He and I both love it, and I do try to go with lean cuts to make it so that the fat content isn't egregious but still enough to give some flavour to the meat.
I've also been trying to perfect a spice rub made with ground ginger, cinnamon, dry mustard, and Montreal Steak seasoning. Hubby seems to like it, and the salt content isn't egregious because the Montreal Steak seasoning has salt in it (and I only use a tablespoon of it if that in the rub). Of course, my definition of "egregious" is a tad lower than what most doctors would consider "egregious"--but that's an old habit from when I lived in North Dakota. My hometown was getting its water (at the time) from wells that were, for lack of a better description, going through salt deposits. So the sodium content of the local was the highest of any town in the state, and the town's residents had the highest rates of hypertension in the state too. Gee, wonder why? They get their water from the lake now, and the salt content is way low as a result--but I still tend to under-salt (or not even salt) food, out of habit.
Aside from the food changes for him, I've also convinced him to go to the gym with me--even if he doesn't walk very long before his asthma decides to give him trouble, he'll at least be walking and he'll get his gym membership on the cheap because of a promotion they're having right now where I can refer a friend or relative and they get a great deal. We'll be going later today, after he gets home from work.
Moving right along. My weight's hovering at around 400ish now (I say "ish" because it ranges from 395 to 405 from week to week), which makes my total weight loss since January around 50 pounds. Go me, go me. At work they've started a "Fall Into Fitness" event...and I am apparently the only person who cared enough to sign up for it. Which is very sad, if you ask me. I even sent out a challenge to my teammates, where all interested parties put $30 in the pot. Whoever beats my weight loss at the end of the promotion wins the money. If I win, the money goes to the American Diabetes Association. Nobody cared to respond. I was saddened by it, to be quite honest.
But we'll see. Perhaps when I get to work Friday (after my four-day weekend), I'll be pleasantly surprised. I hope.
And in a month, I'll be going out to the Bay Area to see the Hurricanes take on the Sharks in San Jose and hang out with several friends that I have there (including a few heathens--hail the folk!) It'll be a grand adventure, and I'm gearing up for some serious walking around and picture taking and possibly some video too. I'm really looking forward to it.
16 June 2010
Budgeting Is Hard, Part 2: Menu Planning
Yeah, so last time I posted I talked about setting up a budget--and finding out that I go through a paycheck in like a day.
That's no fun of course, so I've learned to pack my own lunch and try to stretch things out from paycheck to paycheck. Woo, go me.
This half of the month is being devoted to menu planning to stretch out my dollars and make sure that I'm making stuff that is good for me (and that I like). Genghis can come along if he wants, but otherwise? Fuhgeddaboudit. In the morning (because I was slack and didn't do it today), I have to call my doc and reschedule for some labs to be done--because my primary care doc won't do outside labs. So the band is in a holding pattern until I get those labs done (cos the bariatric doc wants a lipid panel).
Anyway. This evening is being taken up with laundry and dishes (which I do every Wednesday, because it's easier for me to do it late at night when I don't have to work the next day), and the fridge is being cleaned out. As soon as it cools off I'm taking a walk and I'll take the trash to the dumpster while I'm on my evening meander. For those of you who don't live here, when it's hot and humid here...you don't go out on a walkabout unless you want to fall out from heat prostration, water or no water. So it's easier and safer, ironically, to walk at night when it's cool(er) and the humidity is--in theory at least--a tad lower.
Got below 400 last week, which makes me happy (and I think an old friend of mine somewhere just fainted). I'm camped right around 398 or so, which is fine--progress is good, staying even is good. As long as I'm not headed back up...because that would just suck balls. Anyway--back to the topic at hand: menu planning.
This is something where I have to try not to go too far in favour of things I adore (pasta, fish, salads, yoghurt, and of course meat because I'm an omnivore), and try to balance everything out. That's going to be hard. Also hard is the fact that I have a paucity of utensils to cook with. I swear, I'll have popeye arms when I'm all done with this, from all the hand-mixing. I mean, I'm just sayin'!
Wonder if Genghis will be amenable to a trip to get a stand mixer...and a new knife, because the ones I have are all dulled thanks to SOMEBODY *glares in the general direction of the other human in the apartment* insists on continuing to put them in the sink after I tell him "DO NOT PUT THE KNIVES IN THE SINK".
More later.
That's no fun of course, so I've learned to pack my own lunch and try to stretch things out from paycheck to paycheck. Woo, go me.
This half of the month is being devoted to menu planning to stretch out my dollars and make sure that I'm making stuff that is good for me (and that I like). Genghis can come along if he wants, but otherwise? Fuhgeddaboudit. In the morning (because I was slack and didn't do it today), I have to call my doc and reschedule for some labs to be done--because my primary care doc won't do outside labs. So the band is in a holding pattern until I get those labs done (cos the bariatric doc wants a lipid panel).
Anyway. This evening is being taken up with laundry and dishes (which I do every Wednesday, because it's easier for me to do it late at night when I don't have to work the next day), and the fridge is being cleaned out. As soon as it cools off I'm taking a walk and I'll take the trash to the dumpster while I'm on my evening meander. For those of you who don't live here, when it's hot and humid here...you don't go out on a walkabout unless you want to fall out from heat prostration, water or no water. So it's easier and safer, ironically, to walk at night when it's cool(er) and the humidity is--in theory at least--a tad lower.
Got below 400 last week, which makes me happy (and I think an old friend of mine somewhere just fainted). I'm camped right around 398 or so, which is fine--progress is good, staying even is good. As long as I'm not headed back up...because that would just suck balls. Anyway--back to the topic at hand: menu planning.
This is something where I have to try not to go too far in favour of things I adore (pasta, fish, salads, yoghurt, and of course meat because I'm an omnivore), and try to balance everything out. That's going to be hard. Also hard is the fact that I have a paucity of utensils to cook with. I swear, I'll have popeye arms when I'm all done with this, from all the hand-mixing. I mean, I'm just sayin'!
Wonder if Genghis will be amenable to a trip to get a stand mixer...and a new knife, because the ones I have are all dulled thanks to SOMEBODY *glares in the general direction of the other human in the apartment* insists on continuing to put them in the sink after I tell him "DO NOT PUT THE KNIVES IN THE SINK".
More later.
03 June 2010
Budgeting is hard.
I've started using mint.com to draw up a personal budget--because as my friends can all tell you, I live on the internets.
Uhh...damn. I had no idea just how much I was spending on what is really bullshit until I did that. $200 a month in the cafeteria at work? What? OH HELL NO, SON. Time to start taking my lunch to work and saving the cafeteria for once a week if that--and bringing my own yoghurt from home, since I seem to be buying yoghurt like umpty times a day from there. $41.95 every three months for WoW is doable. $60 a month for the cell phone is doable. I can fit in $100 worth of groceries in a month--and not any bullshit kind of processed nonsense, either. But $200 in the cafeteria at work? Uhh...no thanks. Love the folks that work there (except the manager--I find her to be singularly annoying and, frankly, a little patronizing whenever I have to deal with her). The money I'm spending? Not so much.
Weekly weigh-in has me at 405 now. Yay, progress!
Currently trying to save money to get a car. Wish me luck.
Uhh...damn. I had no idea just how much I was spending on what is really bullshit until I did that. $200 a month in the cafeteria at work? What? OH HELL NO, SON. Time to start taking my lunch to work and saving the cafeteria for once a week if that--and bringing my own yoghurt from home, since I seem to be buying yoghurt like umpty times a day from there. $41.95 every three months for WoW is doable. $60 a month for the cell phone is doable. I can fit in $100 worth of groceries in a month--and not any bullshit kind of processed nonsense, either. But $200 in the cafeteria at work? Uhh...no thanks. Love the folks that work there (except the manager--I find her to be singularly annoying and, frankly, a little patronizing whenever I have to deal with her). The money I'm spending? Not so much.
Weekly weigh-in has me at 405 now. Yay, progress!
Currently trying to save money to get a car. Wish me luck.
31 May 2010
Tip The Scales
I have a bunch of thoughts swirling around in my head, trying to coalesce into something resembling a blog post. So if this sounds a little disjointed, I apologize in advance.
First things first: I'm holding steady at 410, which is good. Not great, but it means that I haven't gained back everything that I've lost since January. I finally have a scale, which is good because it means that I can weigh myself weekly rather than waiting for the next doctor's appointment and hoping that their scale will have a high enough capacity. The walking has been off--I've been trying, but not very hard, and that is my fail. Genghis still won't take me to the gym, which bugs the piss out of me because I WANT to hit the treadmill and the bikes. When the most exercise I get is twice a week when I go to the physical terrorist, combined with walking around the call center whenever I get a chance and my housework, there's a problem. I'm not progressing like I want to be, which bothers me greatly. But we'll see--when I get a car, whenever that will be, things will change.
Moving on: I did up a budget to track my spending, and realized how frelling much I was spending dining out--the cafeteria at work, forays to Subway et al, and other random bullshit. It wigged me out. So now I've been putting everything on lockdown and I'm breaking out the cookbooks to formulate grocery lists so I can do all my cooking at home.
If Genghis wants to go to McD's and wherever, let him.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to have a sleep study done. It was quite the adventure. Whenever I can figure out how to get all the photos up here from my phone, I'll post them. The only bad thing about the study was that after it was done I had all this paste in my hair from the electrodes--I couldn't get it washed out no matter how hard I tried, so I had to wait for it to dry and then comb it out...which took like three days.
This past Thursday, I went to review the results and was told that I need a CPAP machine. Wonderful. So Tuesday after this coming, I get to go back and have another study done where they'll fit me for a facehugger.
And by facehugger, I do not mean this:
I mean this:
Which is good, because I don't want this:
That would be bad. Very, very bad.
Of course, this is not stopping me from trying to find a prop facehugger to clamp on my grill right after they fit the mask and having the tech take a picture of it to send to all my friends. *grin*
BUT ANYWAY.
I thought I would have more of an update, but I don't. Shame on me.
First things first: I'm holding steady at 410, which is good. Not great, but it means that I haven't gained back everything that I've lost since January. I finally have a scale, which is good because it means that I can weigh myself weekly rather than waiting for the next doctor's appointment and hoping that their scale will have a high enough capacity. The walking has been off--I've been trying, but not very hard, and that is my fail. Genghis still won't take me to the gym, which bugs the piss out of me because I WANT to hit the treadmill and the bikes. When the most exercise I get is twice a week when I go to the physical terrorist, combined with walking around the call center whenever I get a chance and my housework, there's a problem. I'm not progressing like I want to be, which bothers me greatly. But we'll see--when I get a car, whenever that will be, things will change.
Moving on: I did up a budget to track my spending, and realized how frelling much I was spending dining out--the cafeteria at work, forays to Subway et al, and other random bullshit. It wigged me out. So now I've been putting everything on lockdown and I'm breaking out the cookbooks to formulate grocery lists so I can do all my cooking at home.
If Genghis wants to go to McD's and wherever, let him.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to have a sleep study done. It was quite the adventure. Whenever I can figure out how to get all the photos up here from my phone, I'll post them. The only bad thing about the study was that after it was done I had all this paste in my hair from the electrodes--I couldn't get it washed out no matter how hard I tried, so I had to wait for it to dry and then comb it out...which took like three days.
This past Thursday, I went to review the results and was told that I need a CPAP machine. Wonderful. So Tuesday after this coming, I get to go back and have another study done where they'll fit me for a facehugger.
And by facehugger, I do not mean this:
I mean this:
Which is good, because I don't want this:
That would be bad. Very, very bad.
Of course, this is not stopping me from trying to find a prop facehugger to clamp on my grill right after they fit the mask and having the tech take a picture of it to send to all my friends. *grin*
BUT ANYWAY.
I thought I would have more of an update, but I don't. Shame on me.
05 May 2010
Turn and face the change
Today I decided that if I couldn't go out and walk (because of a lovely air quality warning), I'd stay in and see what constructive things I could do.
I've cleaned the kitchen and picked up the trash that Genghis likes to dump in the corner by my disco throne--no, he can't be arsed to walk an extra two feet and put it in the trashbin. He just dumps it on the floor in the corner unless I yell at him. Then he grumbles while taking his detritus to the trashbin. Mind you, I am no great shakes either when it comes to tidiness (see the attached picture of my desktop). But I've started making a conscious effort to clean shit up around here, because I can't take care of the body without attending to the spirit as well--and a nasty home is a sign of an ailing spirit. I'm trying to mend body AND spirit, here.
(my desktop--the spraybottle is for when I catch a cat doing something he shouldn't be doing. And yes, that's a cable box in the right-hand side of the picture. My monitor doubles as an HDTV.)
And frankly, I'm just tired of seeing things go to shit around this place. Thus, the kitchen-cleaning (and attendant dishwashing and laundry-washing), and an attempt to get stuff organized and put away from when we moved in here last August. The big thing will be the second room, which has boxes piled up in it that have gone unpacked--I think I will be putting a bunch of stuff up on eBay and getting some flat-rate boxes from the post office so I can try to make some money off of the clutter. Anyone up for some miniatures? I have a metric fuckton of them, all still in the wrapping. Thank you Ral Partha for the years you had me on the "free stuff" mailing list.
Slow and steady wins the race.
I've cleaned the kitchen and picked up the trash that Genghis likes to dump in the corner by my disco throne--no, he can't be arsed to walk an extra two feet and put it in the trashbin. He just dumps it on the floor in the corner unless I yell at him. Then he grumbles while taking his detritus to the trashbin. Mind you, I am no great shakes either when it comes to tidiness (see the attached picture of my desktop). But I've started making a conscious effort to clean shit up around here, because I can't take care of the body without attending to the spirit as well--and a nasty home is a sign of an ailing spirit. I'm trying to mend body AND spirit, here.
(my desktop--the spraybottle is for when I catch a cat doing something he shouldn't be doing. And yes, that's a cable box in the right-hand side of the picture. My monitor doubles as an HDTV.)
And frankly, I'm just tired of seeing things go to shit around this place. Thus, the kitchen-cleaning (and attendant dishwashing and laundry-washing), and an attempt to get stuff organized and put away from when we moved in here last August. The big thing will be the second room, which has boxes piled up in it that have gone unpacked--I think I will be putting a bunch of stuff up on eBay and getting some flat-rate boxes from the post office so I can try to make some money off of the clutter. Anyone up for some miniatures? I have a metric fuckton of them, all still in the wrapping. Thank you Ral Partha for the years you had me on the "free stuff" mailing list.
Slow and steady wins the race.
04 May 2010
And now is part where we dance
...because I'm bound and determined to not be mopey.
So. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks--not since we turned in the rental car that we had while Genghis' car was in the shop. I asked Genghis once if he would take me to the gym, and the reaction was about what I expected: a no. Because, of course, he only has so much time off from work and he has things he wants to do and he doesn't want to have to ferry me all over half the ferk ding blastin' Triangle.
I've resumed walking around the call center on breaks and at lunch, with occasional forays up to the 3rd floor to visit a friend of mine who works in sales, but it's not the same. I don't feel the same sense of accomplishment from the breaktime meanderings that I feel when I've been on the treadmill for half an hour and the bikes for as long as I can last (i.e. until my legs turn to jello) and so on. The compliments from co-workers are nice. The attaboys are good too. But it's not the same. WANT MOAR FIT PLZ.
So to rectify the situation I'm finally (now that the Department of Edumacation has finally told the Treasury Department to stop taking my tax refunds) sitting down to file my income taxes for the last six-odd years, and I'm going to use the refund money to see if I can't make a down payment on a car. Not some cheap-ass hooptie that'll fall apart, but something decent.
It's all part of the Master Plan.
So. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks--not since we turned in the rental car that we had while Genghis' car was in the shop. I asked Genghis once if he would take me to the gym, and the reaction was about what I expected: a no. Because, of course, he only has so much time off from work and he has things he wants to do and he doesn't want to have to ferry me all over half the ferk ding blastin' Triangle.
I've resumed walking around the call center on breaks and at lunch, with occasional forays up to the 3rd floor to visit a friend of mine who works in sales, but it's not the same. I don't feel the same sense of accomplishment from the breaktime meanderings that I feel when I've been on the treadmill for half an hour and the bikes for as long as I can last (i.e. until my legs turn to jello) and so on. The compliments from co-workers are nice. The attaboys are good too. But it's not the same. WANT MOAR FIT PLZ.
So to rectify the situation I'm finally (now that the Department of Edumacation has finally told the Treasury Department to stop taking my tax refunds) sitting down to file my income taxes for the last six-odd years, and I'm going to use the refund money to see if I can't make a down payment on a car. Not some cheap-ass hooptie that'll fall apart, but something decent.
It's all part of the Master Plan.
28 April 2010
Standing one's ground for fun and profitz
So the last week has been unique.
Last Thursday I went in for my Lap-band consult. The surgeon tried to coax me into opting for a sleeve gastrectomy after I flatly rejected the gastric bypass, and I had a decision to make--lie and say I would think about it, or stand my ground and voice my personal objections?
I, being Italian (and therefore stubborn and mouthy), decided to dig in my heels. I told the doctor of my personal distaste for bariatric surgery, and that the only reason I'm even considering it at this point is because I have no other option left to me. I then said that I would not go for anything other than the lap-band, because I have personal moral objections to being mutilated. If I have to choose between becoming a cyborg or being irreversibly mutilated? I'll go for assimilation, thanks. Resistance is futile.
So this morning I went in for an Upper GI exam, where I got to drink the barium suspension and they took lots of pictures of my gut to look for an hiatal hernia or any similar issue that would need to be repaired at the time I got my band. That was interesting. The barium tastes like ass, kids. It really really does. But I managed to choke it down, and got to watch it flowing into my stomach. It was quite fascinating. Didn't take a lot of time, either. I was there about 1 hour total--then I got my films and left. And I'm now drinking like half of Falls Lake so that I don't wind up with a barium brick in my gut. That would be no fun.
The next thing I'm waiting on is scheduling for a sleep study. After that's done, I have to talk to a nutritionist, then I have to talk to a psychologist (because they want to make sure that I'm not nuts and that I understand what I'm getting myself into). Then we'll schedule the surgery.
Easy, no? Well, no. Like with every surgery, there's the risk of me being put on a one-way bus to meet the ancestors. So I'm sure I'll be mildly stressing in the immediate runup to H-hour, but in the end I'm sure it'll all work out.
At least, I hope it will.
Last Thursday I went in for my Lap-band consult. The surgeon tried to coax me into opting for a sleeve gastrectomy after I flatly rejected the gastric bypass, and I had a decision to make--lie and say I would think about it, or stand my ground and voice my personal objections?
I, being Italian (and therefore stubborn and mouthy), decided to dig in my heels. I told the doctor of my personal distaste for bariatric surgery, and that the only reason I'm even considering it at this point is because I have no other option left to me. I then said that I would not go for anything other than the lap-band, because I have personal moral objections to being mutilated. If I have to choose between becoming a cyborg or being irreversibly mutilated? I'll go for assimilation, thanks. Resistance is futile.
So this morning I went in for an Upper GI exam, where I got to drink the barium suspension and they took lots of pictures of my gut to look for an hiatal hernia or any similar issue that would need to be repaired at the time I got my band. That was interesting. The barium tastes like ass, kids. It really really does. But I managed to choke it down, and got to watch it flowing into my stomach. It was quite fascinating. Didn't take a lot of time, either. I was there about 1 hour total--then I got my films and left. And I'm now drinking like half of Falls Lake so that I don't wind up with a barium brick in my gut. That would be no fun.
The next thing I'm waiting on is scheduling for a sleep study. After that's done, I have to talk to a nutritionist, then I have to talk to a psychologist (because they want to make sure that I'm not nuts and that I understand what I'm getting myself into). Then we'll schedule the surgery.
Easy, no? Well, no. Like with every surgery, there's the risk of me being put on a one-way bus to meet the ancestors. So I'm sure I'll be mildly stressing in the immediate runup to H-hour, but in the end I'm sure it'll all work out.
At least, I hope it will.
22 April 2010
Weights. I has them.
Friend of mine dropped off a couple 8-pound weights for me at work the other day. I was so happy, I spent all day messing with them between calls--which prompted my co-workers to comment that they think I'm crazy.
Perhaps I am.
Things have been a little eh for me lately otherwise. I've been feeling really tired and run-down, which tells me that my nutrition is jacked. Either that or I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm thinking it may be the lack of sleep. I tried hitting the treadmill Tuesday night, but I just could not focus. Ugh. Yesterday was a rest day, today I dunno. We have a rental car right now cos husband's car is in the shop--and we have to return that. So I might be able to hit the gym after I have my lap-band consult, but it'll be kinda dicey.
I have also discovered that, despite the use of iPod and whatnot, I lose my focus after half an hour (with my luck, I have adult ADD). Thus, the idea for two-a-days...though I suspect that will have to wait for when I get a car of my own, because gods know the husband won't be up for taking me to the gym early in the morning and then after I get off work.
Perhaps I am.
Things have been a little eh for me lately otherwise. I've been feeling really tired and run-down, which tells me that my nutrition is jacked. Either that or I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm thinking it may be the lack of sleep. I tried hitting the treadmill Tuesday night, but I just could not focus. Ugh. Yesterday was a rest day, today I dunno. We have a rental car right now cos husband's car is in the shop--and we have to return that. So I might be able to hit the gym after I have my lap-band consult, but it'll be kinda dicey.
I have also discovered that, despite the use of iPod and whatnot, I lose my focus after half an hour (with my luck, I have adult ADD). Thus, the idea for two-a-days...though I suspect that will have to wait for when I get a car of my own, because gods know the husband won't be up for taking me to the gym early in the morning and then after I get off work.
17 April 2010
Geteiltes Leid ist Halbes Leid
So the issue with the car is the fuel pump. $480 right there. Combine that with $685 that we had to pay toward something else, and we were in the hurt locker.
Are in the hurt locker. Something like that.
Anyway. Labs came back from the endo--everything is good there. Hail Eir.
On the gym front...eh. Yesterday was a failday for me. I was shooting for 30 minutes on the treadmill at a brisk walking pace, but only lasted 15 before everything started to cramp up and I had to quit or go flying off the damn thing. I was so pissed. I went and showered, and then sat there looking at myself in the mirror before I got dressed--and that just pissed me off even more. And I didn't have anyone to vent to. My best friend has gone radio-silent (he's a busy boy), Mom didn't answer the phone, and my sister...well, yeah. I effectively don't have a sister anymore. And don't get me started on Genghis. I get home and he immediately jumped ugly on me for not answering my phone...mostly cos I had left it in the car. I checked my phone and there were like ten calls from him and a voicemail.
"I thought you were injured or damaged!" No asshat, that happened 17 years ago.
I'm just feeling a lot of burning resentment right now--toward Genghis, toward myself, toward a lot of things. Mostly toward myself. I made decisions that weren't in my best interest, and now I just have that much more work to do to try to fix or salvage what little I can. Oh well.
I've committed myself to a course of action, for once I may as well stick to it and fulfill an oath I swore on the high plains years ago (and which the other party has likely forgotten, even if I haven't). It's the least I can do right?
Are in the hurt locker. Something like that.
Anyway. Labs came back from the endo--everything is good there. Hail Eir.
On the gym front...eh. Yesterday was a failday for me. I was shooting for 30 minutes on the treadmill at a brisk walking pace, but only lasted 15 before everything started to cramp up and I had to quit or go flying off the damn thing. I was so pissed. I went and showered, and then sat there looking at myself in the mirror before I got dressed--and that just pissed me off even more. And I didn't have anyone to vent to. My best friend has gone radio-silent (he's a busy boy), Mom didn't answer the phone, and my sister...well, yeah. I effectively don't have a sister anymore. And don't get me started on Genghis. I get home and he immediately jumped ugly on me for not answering my phone...mostly cos I had left it in the car. I checked my phone and there were like ten calls from him and a voicemail.
"I thought you were injured or damaged!" No asshat, that happened 17 years ago.
I'm just feeling a lot of burning resentment right now--toward Genghis, toward myself, toward a lot of things. Mostly toward myself. I made decisions that weren't in my best interest, and now I just have that much more work to do to try to fix or salvage what little I can. Oh well.
I've committed myself to a course of action, for once I may as well stick to it and fulfill an oath I swore on the high plains years ago (and which the other party has likely forgotten, even if I haven't). It's the least I can do right?
14 April 2010
Leid und Elend
So today was trying. I joined the Planet Fitness near my apartment on Sunday--what the heck, right? I've been going daily, either before or after work, and hitting the treadmill there. It's easier than walking outside, for some reason. Probably because indoors I don't have to worry about getting pasted by a car.
Anyway. This morning, I decided to hit one of the bikes instead of doing the treadmill. Oh yeah, that was a great idea. Two minutes in, the insides of my thighs started to give me issues. And we're not talking "feel the burn", either. We're talking "OMFG WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US LADY?!" here. After another eight minutes I couldn't take it anymore and was all "well shit, there went that plan". I migrated to a treadmill. Figured I would do at least 30-35 minutes there, and I would be good.
My back had other ideas. About 5 minutes in, it started to seize up. I pressed on, taking a 30-second pause to try to stretch it back out. That bought me another 15 minutes before the pain became unbearable and I had to stop. Broken back ftl. I showered in tears and left. As I came meandering out of the locker room, some dude was there jamming on the treadclimber nearest the front--and when I say "jamming on", I mean he was seriously going at like warp speed. He shot me a disgusted look before going back to his "look at me, I can do warp speed on a treadclimber for an hour at a time" routine. I just rolled my eyes at him and left, wishing I could just have a new spinal column and wondering why, for once, I can't just have SOMETHING be easy.
Tomorrow is another day.
Anyway. This morning, I decided to hit one of the bikes instead of doing the treadmill. Oh yeah, that was a great idea. Two minutes in, the insides of my thighs started to give me issues. And we're not talking "feel the burn", either. We're talking "OMFG WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US LADY?!" here. After another eight minutes I couldn't take it anymore and was all "well shit, there went that plan". I migrated to a treadmill. Figured I would do at least 30-35 minutes there, and I would be good.
My back had other ideas. About 5 minutes in, it started to seize up. I pressed on, taking a 30-second pause to try to stretch it back out. That bought me another 15 minutes before the pain became unbearable and I had to stop. Broken back ftl. I showered in tears and left. As I came meandering out of the locker room, some dude was there jamming on the treadclimber nearest the front--and when I say "jamming on", I mean he was seriously going at like warp speed. He shot me a disgusted look before going back to his "look at me, I can do warp speed on a treadclimber for an hour at a time" routine. I just rolled my eyes at him and left, wishing I could just have a new spinal column and wondering why, for once, I can't just have SOMETHING be easy.
Tomorrow is another day.
11 April 2010
Sunday Update
It's a funny thing about life--it loves to throw you a curveball just to see if you'll take a swing.
Thursday I was on the way for my lap-band consult when my husband's car died. Ugh. So it's in the shop until at least Tuesday, and we have a rental. The downside is that the cost of the rental combined with an outstanding bill that needs to be paid ASAP has pretty much killed the grocery budget--which means that I've been digging deep to come up with stuff that's cheap and good for me. Husband got all bitchy with me when I pointed out that we (specifically I) have no money for groceries until I get paid next, even after I pointed out that when we go to the store I buy enough for exactly two weeks. It's called a budget.
So...yeah. I suspect everything will be better once we get the news from the mechanic about what the issue is, and that it's not nearly as expensive as husband thinks it will be--but until then, I have to put up with him freaking out and immediately assuming that we're going to have to have something drastic done to his car like an engine replacement.
I'm not letting it slow me down that much though. If worse comes to worse, I have rice and a stash of Soyjoy bars. (which isn't much good, but still)
I've been having issues with the back and the knees lately. The back is an ongoing thing that has gotten better, but still hurts like a sumbitch from time to time. The knees, OTOH...they've only recently started killing me. Walking makes them feel better though, so I do more walking to offset the pain I feel when I'm sitting and having those knees flexed. I've been going to see a physical terrorist--turns out her husband went to school in Fargo, which amused me greatly. PT gave me some exercises to do, and I've been trying to do them at work--though it looks funny when I have my left leg up on my filing cabinet doing exercises while I'm on a call.
I think I'll get through the week just fine.
Thursday I was on the way for my lap-band consult when my husband's car died. Ugh. So it's in the shop until at least Tuesday, and we have a rental. The downside is that the cost of the rental combined with an outstanding bill that needs to be paid ASAP has pretty much killed the grocery budget--which means that I've been digging deep to come up with stuff that's cheap and good for me. Husband got all bitchy with me when I pointed out that we (specifically I) have no money for groceries until I get paid next, even after I pointed out that when we go to the store I buy enough for exactly two weeks. It's called a budget.
So...yeah. I suspect everything will be better once we get the news from the mechanic about what the issue is, and that it's not nearly as expensive as husband thinks it will be--but until then, I have to put up with him freaking out and immediately assuming that we're going to have to have something drastic done to his car like an engine replacement.
I'm not letting it slow me down that much though. If worse comes to worse, I have rice and a stash of Soyjoy bars. (which isn't much good, but still)
I've been having issues with the back and the knees lately. The back is an ongoing thing that has gotten better, but still hurts like a sumbitch from time to time. The knees, OTOH...they've only recently started killing me. Walking makes them feel better though, so I do more walking to offset the pain I feel when I'm sitting and having those knees flexed. I've been going to see a physical terrorist--turns out her husband went to school in Fargo, which amused me greatly. PT gave me some exercises to do, and I've been trying to do them at work--though it looks funny when I have my left leg up on my filing cabinet doing exercises while I'm on a call.
I think I'll get through the week just fine.
07 April 2010
A Boast, I Has It.
So yesterday morning I went to see my endo at Duke. Let me tell you kids....
The walk from the apartment to the bus stop 1/3 mile away was the easy part. The bus gets held up in downtown Cary by The Carolinian (for those outside NC: it's a train), which took forever to disgorge and pick up its passengers at the station and was blocking the bus' access to the rest of its route. Then I get to the TTA transit center, and almost miss the 412 to Duke because the driver wasn't paying attention and didn't see me until I rapped on the door as he was starting to pull out. Then I had to fight with the coinbox for five minutes before it finally took my fare.
I get to Duke fine. Head across the road to the front door--and find out that I'm on the wrong end of Duke campus. I could take a shuttle, or I could walk. I decided to walk. Walked across like half of Durham in the early-morning heat--and got lost twice on the way--and despite all that I still managed to get there like 10 minutes early.
Then came the fun part--the weigh-in.
I've dropped 40 pounds since the end of January, kids. VICTORY FOR ZIM!
BP was a little jacked-up because I basically hauled ass from one end of Duke campus to the other--but when they re-checked it after 10 minutes? I was golden. 121/70
So my endo is happy, I'm happy, we're all happy and everything is awesome. So that's my boast.
The rest of the day was...hmm. Now see, I hadn't eaten anything that morning, because I knew I was getting labs done. But I wanted to grab the bus ASAP after my appointment, so rather than stop at the cafeteria and have something to eat I decided to just haul it to the bus stop. I got on the 412, got bitched at by the rude-ass driver (who I've had an issue with ever since I used to take the 747 to work) because I wanted to take the scenic route rather than the 413 back to the Park, but I ignored her and just cranked the iPod while going on a bus tour of parts of Chapel Hill and Durham that I hadn't seen before (specifically, deep inside UNC campus and the Streets of Southpoint). Get back to the RTP, decide "what the hell, I'll go visit my homiez at D.H. Hill Library"--and I get on the 105 to State. Visit with everyone that I could find at the Library, then went to get on the 105 back to the Park so I could catch the 301 home.
And that's about when the heat combined with my lack of sustenance and a dangerously low and non-refilled water supply to layeth the smacketh down upon my candy ass. First the Carter-Finley WolfLine bus blows past me without even seeing I was there. Then half an hour later the 105 headed back to the Park blew past me. I'd been standing in the heat for close to an hour and a half now (counting walking time around campus), wearing sweats, and I was starting to slowly fade. My sciatic nerve went "oh, fuck you--I've been good for long enough, now I'm going to give you issues" and my right leg started hurting like a sumbitch along with my back. There was no way in the Nine Worlds I was going to last the 45 minutes I would have had to wait for the next bus. So I hobbled to the SECU branch right across from State, and camped their water fountain in the lobby--fending off any puzzled querents with my membership card, to prove that I wasn't some bum off the street. And I called Genghis and begged him to come get me.
Got lectured, of course--but he shut up when he realized that I really was in need of that emergency evac. He stopped at the Sonic over near where we live, and all I could think of was something cold and tasty.
"I would be ever so grateful," I said, "for a Cherry Limeade Chiller."
I hadn't had one in ages--it was awesome. No cherry or lime wedge, but it was cool and it was tasty and I decided to treat it as the "once in a blue moon" reward I deserved. Mmmm....Cherry Limeade Chiller.
Oh yeah, and when I got home I had a Soyjoy and three or four turkey-lettuce wraps with some pasta salad. And more water. And a cool shower. And a nap. Because, y'know, I kinda needed them.
The walk from the apartment to the bus stop 1/3 mile away was the easy part. The bus gets held up in downtown Cary by The Carolinian (for those outside NC: it's a train), which took forever to disgorge and pick up its passengers at the station and was blocking the bus' access to the rest of its route. Then I get to the TTA transit center, and almost miss the 412 to Duke because the driver wasn't paying attention and didn't see me until I rapped on the door as he was starting to pull out. Then I had to fight with the coinbox for five minutes before it finally took my fare.
I get to Duke fine. Head across the road to the front door--and find out that I'm on the wrong end of Duke campus. I could take a shuttle, or I could walk. I decided to walk. Walked across like half of Durham in the early-morning heat--and got lost twice on the way--and despite all that I still managed to get there like 10 minutes early.
Then came the fun part--the weigh-in.
I've dropped 40 pounds since the end of January, kids. VICTORY FOR ZIM!
BP was a little jacked-up because I basically hauled ass from one end of Duke campus to the other--but when they re-checked it after 10 minutes? I was golden. 121/70
So my endo is happy, I'm happy, we're all happy and everything is awesome. So that's my boast.
The rest of the day was...hmm. Now see, I hadn't eaten anything that morning, because I knew I was getting labs done. But I wanted to grab the bus ASAP after my appointment, so rather than stop at the cafeteria and have something to eat I decided to just haul it to the bus stop. I got on the 412, got bitched at by the rude-ass driver (who I've had an issue with ever since I used to take the 747 to work) because I wanted to take the scenic route rather than the 413 back to the Park, but I ignored her and just cranked the iPod while going on a bus tour of parts of Chapel Hill and Durham that I hadn't seen before (specifically, deep inside UNC campus and the Streets of Southpoint). Get back to the RTP, decide "what the hell, I'll go visit my homiez at D.H. Hill Library"--and I get on the 105 to State. Visit with everyone that I could find at the Library, then went to get on the 105 back to the Park so I could catch the 301 home.
And that's about when the heat combined with my lack of sustenance and a dangerously low and non-refilled water supply to layeth the smacketh down upon my candy ass. First the Carter-Finley WolfLine bus blows past me without even seeing I was there. Then half an hour later the 105 headed back to the Park blew past me. I'd been standing in the heat for close to an hour and a half now (counting walking time around campus), wearing sweats, and I was starting to slowly fade. My sciatic nerve went "oh, fuck you--I've been good for long enough, now I'm going to give you issues" and my right leg started hurting like a sumbitch along with my back. There was no way in the Nine Worlds I was going to last the 45 minutes I would have had to wait for the next bus. So I hobbled to the SECU branch right across from State, and camped their water fountain in the lobby--fending off any puzzled querents with my membership card, to prove that I wasn't some bum off the street. And I called Genghis and begged him to come get me.
Got lectured, of course--but he shut up when he realized that I really was in need of that emergency evac. He stopped at the Sonic over near where we live, and all I could think of was something cold and tasty.
"I would be ever so grateful," I said, "for a Cherry Limeade Chiller."
I hadn't had one in ages--it was awesome. No cherry or lime wedge, but it was cool and it was tasty and I decided to treat it as the "once in a blue moon" reward I deserved. Mmmm....Cherry Limeade Chiller.
Oh yeah, and when I got home I had a Soyjoy and three or four turkey-lettuce wraps with some pasta salad. And more water. And a cool shower. And a nap. Because, y'know, I kinda needed them.
04 April 2010
The Mighty Cup of Awesome
The week has been kind to me so far. Walking has begun again, with no palpitations. This is a relief to me, because I missed my walkies.
My taxes are going to be filed soon--I'm looking at getting about a grand or so, which I am seriously considering investing in either a stationary bike OR in a down-payment on a used car (so I can go to the Planet Fitness a few miles down the road). Thoughts? Yesno?
My birthday is coming in about 4 months. I'll be getting my Hammer then, at Blue Flame tattoo on Peace Street--it'll piss off the husband, which I don't care about. My body, my choice, yadda yadda. The Ansuz rune will come the night before I go back to uni again, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. But we'll see.
That's all for now.
My taxes are going to be filed soon--I'm looking at getting about a grand or so, which I am seriously considering investing in either a stationary bike OR in a down-payment on a used car (so I can go to the Planet Fitness a few miles down the road). Thoughts? Yesno?
My birthday is coming in about 4 months. I'll be getting my Hammer then, at Blue Flame tattoo on Peace Street--it'll piss off the husband, which I don't care about. My body, my choice, yadda yadda. The Ansuz rune will come the night before I go back to uni again, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. But we'll see.
That's all for now.
31 March 2010
Counting one's blessings
So day before yesterday when I went for my walk around the call center, I started getting heart palpitations. I forged on through, figuring it would pass. I tried again at lunch, same thing. Second break, I stopped halfway because it started to scare me.
So now I'm being very careful and trying to do stuff other than walking, because honestly? I don't feel like keeling over--mostly because I don't think Genghis will do what I ask and play "Goin' Back to Cali" and "I Love LA" at my funeral. For that matter, I don't think he'd even so much as try to get me in the family plot in Chatsworth--but of course, I could be wrong.
Anyway. I have a feeling that part of the issue is caffeine intake. So I've been moderating that more heavily, and I'll have to talk to my endo about this on Tuesday when I go see her. That should be a big ball of fun, right there.
But on the upside? I can make it to the mailbox with no problem now (a far damn cry from when I started, yo). Coming back is a pain though--fuckin' hills.
So now I'm being very careful and trying to do stuff other than walking, because honestly? I don't feel like keeling over--mostly because I don't think Genghis will do what I ask and play "Goin' Back to Cali" and "I Love LA" at my funeral. For that matter, I don't think he'd even so much as try to get me in the family plot in Chatsworth--but of course, I could be wrong.
Anyway. I have a feeling that part of the issue is caffeine intake. So I've been moderating that more heavily, and I'll have to talk to my endo about this on Tuesday when I go see her. That should be a big ball of fun, right there.
But on the upside? I can make it to the mailbox with no problem now (a far damn cry from when I started, yo). Coming back is a pain though--fuckin' hills.
27 March 2010
Hitting the wall
Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this, really. Pain has been a constant companion lately--which some would say is weakness leaving the body, but to me it's just something that I want to be quit of, something to fight through...even though it would be easier to just give up. But I took the easy route before, and all it brought me was pain.
I don't know that I'm ready to give up--I don't know that I'll ever be ready to give up. But I wonder why I'm doing this--who I'm doing this for. I'm to the point where I want to quit my job so I can devote myself to other goals, but I know that I need money. Since I don't think I'll be winning the lottery anytime soon, I guess I kinda have to lump it.
Note to self: buy a scale.
I don't know that I'm ready to give up--I don't know that I'll ever be ready to give up. But I wonder why I'm doing this--who I'm doing this for. I'm to the point where I want to quit my job so I can devote myself to other goals, but I know that I need money. Since I don't think I'll be winning the lottery anytime soon, I guess I kinda have to lump it.
Note to self: buy a scale.
21 March 2010
Ego Spikes and Sugar Drops
My back is KILLING me today. KILLING. ME. This made walking difficult. I couldn't go to the 'mill like I planned last night, which pissed me off--so I busied myself cleaning house and taking out trash instead. Blood sugar spiked at 159 at 10PM, which freaked me out. Made myself a turkey sandwich, and about an hour and a half later blood sugar was down to 107. This morning when I woke up, it was at 96. I had to explain to Genghis this morning that if I skip meals, it spikes the blood sugar because my body goes "OH NOES NEED ENERGY" and tells my cells to release a bunch of stored glucose into my system in an attempt to compensate.
You would think that a guy who was a quarter shy of becoming an RN would know something like this. But no, he didn't get it. As I've told many people, he's not malicious. He's just clueless.
So this morning I had a large bowl of Special K, and I've been snacking on trail mix and had a packet of nabs to keep the blood sugar from spiking and then crashing (it's at 88 right now). That's my fault, because I didn't even think to pack a lunch today--and I even got my favourite wholegrain bread for sandwiches at the store last night! Go team me. If it gets any lower, well I have an Emergency Dum Dum I can suck on.
Had two co-workers and a sup come up to me at work today and comment that it's becoming very apparent that I'm losing weight, and give me attaboys. Encouragement like that means a lot to me, because it confirms what I already know: that I'm doing the right thing.
Now, if I can just keep from falling out because of my own damn foolishness.... *reaches for the Emergency Dum Dum*
You would think that a guy who was a quarter shy of becoming an RN would know something like this. But no, he didn't get it. As I've told many people, he's not malicious. He's just clueless.
So this morning I had a large bowl of Special K, and I've been snacking on trail mix and had a packet of nabs to keep the blood sugar from spiking and then crashing (it's at 88 right now). That's my fault, because I didn't even think to pack a lunch today--and I even got my favourite wholegrain bread for sandwiches at the store last night! Go team me. If it gets any lower, well I have an Emergency Dum Dum I can suck on.
Had two co-workers and a sup come up to me at work today and comment that it's becoming very apparent that I'm losing weight, and give me attaboys. Encouragement like that means a lot to me, because it confirms what I already know: that I'm doing the right thing.
Now, if I can just keep from falling out because of my own damn foolishness.... *reaches for the Emergency Dum Dum*
20 March 2010
Thanks Eostre Bunny!
The equinoxes proceed according to precedent, and so I wish a happy Eostre to you all. May the arrival of spring bring you luck.
Breakfast this morning was 2 cups grapes, half a bagel with 1 oz cream cheese, and a couple swigs of 2% milk. I've been snacking it all day with unsalted trailmix (almonds, peanuts, sunflower kernels, raisins) from the vending machine downstairs, and meandering briskly around the floor with help from my iPod (today's playlist is "I Have The Touch" by Peter Gabriel, "Take California" by Propellerheads, "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" by Tomoyaso Hotei, "Forty Six and 2" by Tool, and "Ready Steady Go" by Paul Oakenfold. When I get home I'll throw on some more Tool before I go hit the treadmill).
I felt rather proud of myself today when my sup came round with cookies and I politely declined--because honestly? I don't miss the sugary stuff I used to go nuts for. Perhaps it's because I've started satisfying my brain's need for carbohydrate energy with stuff that I also go nuts for but is better for me (like the pork lo mein that I had last night for dinner). If my blood sugar for whatever reason takes a nosedive, I have a Dum Dum pop at my desk that I can suck on. The better choice of course would be to get a packet of nabs* from the vending machine downstairs, but if my blood sugar is dropping then there's no way I can get down there before I fall out and they truck my happy ass off to WakeMed in the back of an ambulance.
Tonight's dinner is beef fried rice and greens dressed with a spritz of olive oil and some montreal steak seasoning, followed by walking through all of "10,000 Days". Maybe I'll push it and try to get through "Aenima" too. Doable, y/y?
*:for those who are not from the South, "nabs" are those little snack crackers that you get from the vending machine, like six to a pack.
Breakfast this morning was 2 cups grapes, half a bagel with 1 oz cream cheese, and a couple swigs of 2% milk. I've been snacking it all day with unsalted trailmix (almonds, peanuts, sunflower kernels, raisins) from the vending machine downstairs, and meandering briskly around the floor with help from my iPod (today's playlist is "I Have The Touch" by Peter Gabriel, "Take California" by Propellerheads, "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" by Tomoyaso Hotei, "Forty Six and 2" by Tool, and "Ready Steady Go" by Paul Oakenfold. When I get home I'll throw on some more Tool before I go hit the treadmill).
I felt rather proud of myself today when my sup came round with cookies and I politely declined--because honestly? I don't miss the sugary stuff I used to go nuts for. Perhaps it's because I've started satisfying my brain's need for carbohydrate energy with stuff that I also go nuts for but is better for me (like the pork lo mein that I had last night for dinner). If my blood sugar for whatever reason takes a nosedive, I have a Dum Dum pop at my desk that I can suck on. The better choice of course would be to get a packet of nabs* from the vending machine downstairs, but if my blood sugar is dropping then there's no way I can get down there before I fall out and they truck my happy ass off to WakeMed in the back of an ambulance.
Tonight's dinner is beef fried rice and greens dressed with a spritz of olive oil and some montreal steak seasoning, followed by walking through all of "10,000 Days". Maybe I'll push it and try to get through "Aenima" too. Doable, y/y?
*:for those who are not from the South, "nabs" are those little snack crackers that you get from the vending machine, like six to a pack.
19 March 2010
I'm a Nightside Girl in a Dayside World
Breakfast: 1 bowl Fiber One w/oatmeal raisin clusters, 8oz 2% milk
Lunch: 1 piece fried flounder
Snack: Bagel w/2oz strawberry cream cheese, 1 pkg Karr's trail mix (peanuts, sunflower kernels, almonds, raisins
Dinner: TBD
Did two circuits of the 2nd floor on break, did the same outside over lunch and I'm planning to do three on second break. It's kind of a pain in the ass sometimes, because I get stopped by co-workers with questions and so—but at least on lunch I have an hour. NO PRESSURE, RIGHT?
This morning I basically had to get up and get right in the shower, and then I had five minutes to get dressed and get out the door so I could get to work early. Fortunately, this morning I had no blood sugar issues that I knew of, but of course dumbass me not only forgot to check my blood sugar, but I left the glucose meter at home. Err...oops?
I told Genghis that for Yule I want a stationary bike—preferably one that I can camp in front of my monitor so I can watch hockey while pedalling gods only know how many miles. If I could figure out how to rig it up, I'd be able to play WoW while on the bike too. I'd do everything on the bike. I'd even do my work on the bike, but then my customers would be all “Damn, woman—they got you running laps or something there?” I love cycling and hockey. The first day of the Tour de France is a holiday for me, as is the first day of hockey season. Years ago, I had a bike and would ride it everywhere. Then I fucked my knees up and had to stop riding. Hockey was different—there, I kinda had to watch. Not easy being one of only four hockey fans in a tiny-ass town of 1500 in the middle of damn nowhere.
So my goals are thus:
Drop to 190
Start skating
Start cycling (again, and over the objections of Genghis, who is convinced I'll get pasted by a truck or a city bus)
Play hockey
I am the AcidQueen, and I am a defenceman like my Harry before me.
Lunch: 1 piece fried flounder
Snack: Bagel w/2oz strawberry cream cheese, 1 pkg Karr's trail mix (peanuts, sunflower kernels, almonds, raisins
Dinner: TBD
Did two circuits of the 2nd floor on break, did the same outside over lunch and I'm planning to do three on second break. It's kind of a pain in the ass sometimes, because I get stopped by co-workers with questions and so—but at least on lunch I have an hour. NO PRESSURE, RIGHT?
This morning I basically had to get up and get right in the shower, and then I had five minutes to get dressed and get out the door so I could get to work early. Fortunately, this morning I had no blood sugar issues that I knew of, but of course dumbass me not only forgot to check my blood sugar, but I left the glucose meter at home. Err...oops?
I told Genghis that for Yule I want a stationary bike—preferably one that I can camp in front of my monitor so I can watch hockey while pedalling gods only know how many miles. If I could figure out how to rig it up, I'd be able to play WoW while on the bike too. I'd do everything on the bike. I'd even do my work on the bike, but then my customers would be all “Damn, woman—they got you running laps or something there?” I love cycling and hockey. The first day of the Tour de France is a holiday for me, as is the first day of hockey season. Years ago, I had a bike and would ride it everywhere. Then I fucked my knees up and had to stop riding. Hockey was different—there, I kinda had to watch. Not easy being one of only four hockey fans in a tiny-ass town of 1500 in the middle of damn nowhere.
So my goals are thus:
Drop to 190
Start skating
Start cycling (again, and over the objections of Genghis, who is convinced I'll get pasted by a truck or a city bus)
Play hockey
I am the AcidQueen, and I am a defenceman like my Harry before me.
18 March 2010
Back In The Saddle Again
I recently started on an heroic quest to lose all of the weight I gained over the last 17 years of marriage...and then some.
Hi, I'm AQ and I'm trying to get right with myself.
Here is my most recent photograph (from 2006, after my beloved Hurricanes won the Cup):
My goal is to get down to 190--from there, everything else is gravy. The hard part was starting. I've already started modifying my eating habits so that I'm eating more of what I like (greens, fruit, nuts, other stuff that's good for a body), and no more of what my husband likes (TV dinners, nasty Kroger chicken, fast food, and so on).
For so many years, it was easier for me to just shut the fuck up and eat what Genghis put in front of me rather than bitch and wind up having to deal with drama about "spending money" and raving about how "we need to eat cheap food", or put up with insane jealousy every time I even so much as said hello to a guy on the street. I knew it was bad, I knew that the fact that I have PCOS made it far far easier to gain than to lose, but I did it anyway because it was the only way to avoid getting shit on by somebody with his own set of insecurities.
I complained (oh man did I complain) to my friends, my friends said WTFHUSBAND? (and a few said WTFDIVORCE?) to me--my best friend on the whole planet flat told me he was afraid I'd wind up dead if it didn't stop (I believe the phrase he used was "fatted to die")...and that was 13 years ago. I think that when the two of us re-established contact after so long, he was surprised to find out I was still 1) breathing and 2) ambulatory. Even my family practice doctor and my endocrinologist at Duke U. said something to me and to Genghis...and he just didn't get it, even after Dr. Brown (my endo, not my best friend or the dude from the Back To The Future movies) told him that I fit the criteria for Type 2 Diabetes and things had to change immediately.
I'm still surprised she didn't slap him when he flat out said "Well, we don't have a lot of money and we need to economize. We need to eat cheap food." Hell, I'm surprised I didn't slap him.
I wanted to stop for years, but didn't find the strength to cut loose with my Voice of Appropriately Righteous Indignation until about a month ago, when I finally stood up to Genghis and told him that at long last I was through getting fat for him; that I was going to lose weight or die trying. I told him he basically had three choices:
1) Get on the bus
2) Get out of the way of the bus
3) Get run the hell over by the bus
And I would start spending my paychecks on stuff that I prefer to eat, whether he likes it or not. I talked to my family practice doctor about the LAP-BAND and getting in with a nutritionist, and I've also started taking antidepressants (but that is another issue that I've been dealing with since I was a child, and solving that will only help with everything else). And I started walking everywhere again.
Oh gods, the walking. That was where the gravity of the situation was piledriven home to me. I couldn't even get to the mailbox at my apartment complex (which is roughly 1/4 mile away from my apartment) without feeling like I was going to fall over. Now the only trouble I have is getting back to the apartment--hills still kill my legs and back, but at least I can get there without feeling like my heart is going to explode from my chest by the time I'm halfway. Breaks and lunchtimes at work see me walking laps around my office building, both inside and (at lunch) out. Sodas, gone. Junk, gone. Nasty Kroger Chicken, gone. Stouffer's dinners, gone.
And by Yule I will have a Hammer tattooed on my collarbone to remind me that I can overcome my own messed-up orlog through this heroic effort.
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