17 April 2010

Geteiltes Leid ist Halbes Leid

So the issue with the car is the fuel pump. $480 right there. Combine that with $685 that we had to pay toward something else, and we were in the hurt locker.

Are in the hurt locker. Something like that.

Anyway. Labs came back from the endo--everything is good there. Hail Eir.

On the gym Yesterday was a failday for me. I was shooting for 30 minutes on the treadmill at a brisk walking pace, but only lasted 15 before everything started to cramp up and I had to quit or go flying off the damn thing. I was so pissed. I went and showered, and then sat there looking at myself in the mirror before I got dressed--and that just pissed me off even more. And I didn't have anyone to vent to. My best friend has gone radio-silent (he's a busy boy), Mom didn't answer the phone, and my sister...well, yeah. I effectively don't have a sister anymore. And don't get me started on Genghis. I get home and he immediately jumped ugly on me for not answering my phone...mostly cos I had left it in the car. I checked my phone and there were like ten calls from him and a voicemail.

"I thought you were injured or damaged!"  No asshat, that happened 17 years ago.

I'm just feeling a lot of burning resentment right now--toward Genghis, toward myself, toward a lot of things. Mostly toward myself. I made decisions that weren't in my best interest, and now I just have that much more work to do to try to fix or salvage what little I can. Oh well.

I've committed myself to a course of action, for once I may as well stick to it and fulfill an oath I swore on the high plains years ago (and which the other party has likely forgotten, even if I haven't). It's the least I can do right?


Borea said...

Stay strong. Living the life you want, making the changes necessary to get there, can be challenging, but all the effort, frustration and self doubt are worth it when your goal has been achieved. You are most important, just by taking on the oath you know this. I will let you know should you ever need reminding. ;)

The Acid Queen said...

I've been bound by that oath since I was 25. It's only now, when I realize the gravity of oaths--especially those made to somebody one loves more than just about anything else on the planet--that I'm finally working to fulfill it.