Turn and face the change

Today I decided that if I couldn't go out and walk (because of a lovely air quality warning), I'd stay in and see what constructive things I could do.

I've cleaned the kitchen and picked up the trash that Genghis likes to dump in the corner by my disco throne--no, he can't be arsed to walk an extra two feet and put it in the trashbin. He just dumps it on the floor in the corner unless I yell at him. Then he grumbles while taking his detritus to the trashbin. Mind you, I am no great shakes either when it comes to tidiness (see the attached picture of my desktop). But I've started making a conscious effort to clean shit up around here, because I can't take care of the body without attending to the spirit as well--and a nasty home is a sign of an ailing spirit. I'm trying to mend body AND spirit, here.

(my desktop--the spraybottle is for when I catch a cat doing something he shouldn't be doing. And yes, that's a cable box in the right-hand side of the picture. My monitor doubles as an HDTV.)

And frankly, I'm just tired of seeing things go to shit around this place. Thus, the kitchen-cleaning (and attendant dishwashing and laundry-washing), and an attempt to get stuff organized and put away from when we moved in here last August. The big thing will be the second room, which has boxes piled up in it that have gone unpacked--I think I will be putting a bunch of stuff up on eBay and getting some flat-rate boxes from the post office so I can try to make some money off of the clutter. Anyone up for some miniatures?  I have a metric fuckton of them, all still in the wrapping. Thank you Ral Partha for the years you had me on the "free stuff" mailing list.

Slow and steady wins the race.

And now is part where we dance

...because I'm bound and determined to not be mopey.

So. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks--not since we turned in the rental car that we had while Genghis' car was in the shop. I asked Genghis once if he would take me to the gym, and the reaction was about what I expected: a no. Because, of course, he only has so much time off from work and he has things he wants to do and he doesn't want to have to ferry me all over half the ferk ding blastin' Triangle.

I've resumed walking around the call center on breaks and at lunch, with occasional forays up to the 3rd floor to visit a friend of mine who works in sales, but it's not the same. I don't feel the same sense of accomplishment from the breaktime meanderings that I feel when I've been on the treadmill for half an hour and the bikes for as long as I can last (i.e. until my legs turn to jello) and so on. The compliments from co-workers are nice. The attaboys are good too. But it's not the same. WANT MOAR FIT PLZ.

So to rectify the situation I'm finally (now that the Department of Edumacation has finally told the Treasury Department to stop taking my tax refunds) sitting down to file my income taxes for the last six-odd years, and I'm going to use the refund money to see if I can't make a down payment on a car. Not some cheap-ass hooptie that'll fall apart, but something decent.

It's all part of the Master Plan.

Geteiltes Leid ist Halbes Leid

So the issue with the car is the fuel pump. $480 right there. Combine that with $685 that we had to pay toward something else, and we were in the hurt locker.

Are in the hurt locker. Something like that.

Anyway. Labs came back from the endo--everything is good there. Hail Eir.

On the gym front...eh. Yesterday was a failday for me. I was shooting for 30 minutes on the treadmill at a brisk walking pace, but only lasted 15 before everything started to cramp up and I had to quit or go flying off the damn thing. I was so pissed. I went and showered, and then sat there looking at myself in the mirror before I got dressed--and that just pissed me off even more. And I didn't have anyone to vent to. My best friend has gone radio-silent (he's a busy boy), Mom didn't answer the phone, and my sister...well, yeah. I effectively don't have a sister anymore. And don't get me started on Genghis. I get home and he immediately jumped ugly on me for not answering my phone...mostly cos I had left it in the car. I checked my phone and there were like ten calls from him and a voicemail.

"I thought you were injured or damaged!"  No asshat, that happened 17 years ago.

I'm just feeling a lot of burning resentment right now--toward Genghis, toward myself, toward a lot of things. Mostly toward myself. I made decisions that weren't in my best interest, and now I just have that much more work to do to try to fix or salvage what little I can. Oh well.

I've committed myself to a course of action, for once I may as well stick to it and fulfill an oath I swore on the high plains years ago (and which the other party has likely forgotten, even if I haven't). It's the least I can do right?