Standing one's ground for fun and profitz

So the last week has been unique.

Last Thursday I went in for my Lap-band consult. The surgeon tried to coax me into opting for a sleeve gastrectomy after I flatly rejected the gastric bypass, and I had a decision to make--lie and say I would think about it, or stand my ground and voice my personal objections?

I, being Italian (and therefore stubborn and mouthy), decided to dig in my heels. I told the doctor of my personal distaste for bariatric surgery, and that the only reason I'm even considering it at this point is because I have no other option left to me. I then said that I would not go for anything other than the lap-band, because I have personal moral objections to being mutilated. If I have to choose between becoming a cyborg or being irreversibly mutilated?  I'll go for assimilation, thanks. Resistance is futile.

So this morning I went in for an Upper GI exam, where I got to drink the barium suspension and they took lots of pictures of my gut to look for an hiatal hernia or any similar issue that would need to be repaired at the time I got my band. That was interesting. The barium tastes like ass, kids. It really really does. But I managed to choke it down, and got to watch it flowing into my stomach. It was quite fascinating. Didn't take a lot of time, either. I was there about 1 hour total--then I got my films and left. And I'm now drinking like half of Falls Lake so that I don't wind up with a barium brick in my gut. That would be no fun.

The next thing I'm waiting on is scheduling for a sleep study. After that's done, I have to talk to a nutritionist, then I have to talk to a psychologist (because they want to make sure that I'm not nuts and that I understand what I'm getting myself into). Then we'll schedule the surgery.

Easy, no?  Well, no. Like with every surgery, there's the risk of me being put on a one-way bus to meet the ancestors. So I'm sure I'll be mildly stressing in the immediate runup to H-hour, but in the end I'm sure it'll all work out.

At least, I hope it will.

Weights. I has them.

Friend of mine dropped off a couple 8-pound weights for me at work the other day. I was so happy, I spent all day messing with them between calls--which prompted my co-workers to comment that they think I'm crazy.

Perhaps I am.

Things have been a little eh for me lately otherwise. I've been feeling really tired and run-down, which tells me that my nutrition is jacked. Either that or I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm thinking it may be the lack of sleep. I tried hitting the treadmill Tuesday night, but I just could not focus. Ugh. Yesterday was a rest day, today I dunno. We have a rental car right now cos husband's car is in the shop--and we have to return that. So I might be able to hit the gym after I have my lap-band consult, but it'll be kinda dicey.

I have also discovered that, despite the use of iPod and whatnot, I lose my focus after half an hour (with my luck, I have adult ADD). Thus, the idea for two-a-days...though I suspect that will have to wait for when I get a car of my own, because gods know the husband won't be up for taking me to the gym early in the morning and then after I get off work.

Geteiltes Leid ist Halbes Leid

So the issue with the car is the fuel pump. $480 right there. Combine that with $685 that we had to pay toward something else, and we were in the hurt locker.

Are in the hurt locker. Something like that.

Anyway. Labs came back from the endo--everything is good there. Hail Eir.

On the gym front...eh. Yesterday was a failday for me. I was shooting for 30 minutes on the treadmill at a brisk walking pace, but only lasted 15 before everything started to cramp up and I had to quit or go flying off the damn thing. I was so pissed. I went and showered, and then sat there looking at myself in the mirror before I got dressed--and that just pissed me off even more. And I didn't have anyone to vent to. My best friend has gone radio-silent (he's a busy boy), Mom didn't answer the phone, and my sister...well, yeah. I effectively don't have a sister anymore. And don't get me started on Genghis. I get home and he immediately jumped ugly on me for not answering my phone...mostly cos I had left it in the car. I checked my phone and there were like ten calls from him and a voicemail.

"I thought you were injured or damaged!"  No asshat, that happened 17 years ago.

I'm just feeling a lot of burning resentment right now--toward Genghis, toward myself, toward a lot of things. Mostly toward myself. I made decisions that weren't in my best interest, and now I just have that much more work to do to try to fix or salvage what little I can. Oh well.

I've committed myself to a course of action, for once I may as well stick to it and fulfill an oath I swore on the high plains years ago (and which the other party has likely forgotten, even if I haven't). It's the least I can do right?

Leid und Elend

So today was trying. I joined the Planet Fitness near my apartment on Sunday--what the heck, right?  I've been going daily, either before or after work, and hitting the treadmill there. It's easier than walking outside, for some reason. Probably because indoors I don't have to worry about getting pasted by a car.

Anyway. This morning, I decided to hit one of the bikes instead of doing the treadmill. Oh yeah, that was a great idea. Two minutes in, the insides of my thighs started to give me issues. And we're not talking "feel the burn", either. We're talking "OMFG WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US LADY?!" here. After another eight minutes I couldn't take it anymore and was all "well shit, there went that plan". I migrated to a treadmill. Figured I would do at least 30-35 minutes there, and I would be good.

My back had other ideas. About 5 minutes in, it started to seize up. I pressed on, taking a 30-second pause to try to stretch it back out. That bought me another 15 minutes before the pain became unbearable and I had to stop. Broken back ftl. I showered in tears and left. As I came meandering out of the locker room, some dude was there jamming on the treadclimber nearest the front--and when I say "jamming on", I mean he was seriously going at like warp speed. He shot me a disgusted look before going back to his "look at me, I can do warp speed on a treadclimber for an hour at a time" routine. I just rolled my eyes at him and left, wishing I could just have a new spinal column and wondering why, for once, I can't just have SOMETHING be easy.


Tomorrow is another day.

Sunday Update

It's a funny thing about life--it loves to throw you a curveball just to see if you'll take a swing.

Thursday I was on the way for my lap-band consult when my husband's car died. Ugh. So it's in the shop until at least Tuesday, and we have a rental.  The downside is that the cost of the rental combined with an outstanding bill that needs to be paid ASAP has pretty much killed the grocery budget--which means that I've been digging deep to come up with stuff that's cheap and good for me. Husband got all bitchy with me when I pointed out that we (specifically I) have no money for groceries until I get paid next, even after I pointed out that when we go to the store I buy enough for exactly two weeks. It's called a budget.

So...yeah. I suspect everything will be better once we get the news from the mechanic about what the issue is, and that it's not nearly as expensive as husband thinks it will be--but until then, I have to put up with him freaking out and immediately assuming that we're going to have to have something drastic done to his car like an engine replacement.

I'm not letting it slow me down that much though. If worse comes to worse, I have rice and a stash of Soyjoy bars. (which isn't much good, but still)

I've been having issues with the back and the knees lately. The back is an ongoing thing that has gotten better, but still hurts like a sumbitch from time to time. The knees, OTOH...they've only recently started killing me. Walking makes them feel better though, so I do more walking to offset the pain I feel when I'm sitting and having those knees flexed. I've been going to see a physical terrorist--turns out her husband went to school in Fargo, which amused me greatly. PT gave me some exercises to do, and I've been trying to do them at work--though it looks funny when I have my left leg up on my filing cabinet doing exercises while I'm on a call.

I think I'll get through the week just fine.

A Boast, I Has It.

So yesterday morning I went to see my endo at Duke. Let me tell you kids....

The walk from the apartment to the bus stop 1/3 mile away was the easy part. The bus gets held up in downtown Cary by The Carolinian (for those outside NC: it's a train), which took forever to disgorge and pick up its passengers at the station and was blocking the bus' access to the rest of its route. Then I get to the TTA transit center, and almost miss the 412 to Duke because the driver wasn't paying attention and didn't see me until I rapped on the door as he was starting to pull out. Then I had to fight with the coinbox for five minutes before it finally took my fare.

I get to Duke fine. Head across the road to the front door--and find out that I'm on the wrong end of Duke campus. I could take a shuttle, or I could walk. I decided to walk. Walked across like half of Durham in the early-morning heat--and got lost twice on the way--and despite all that I still managed to get there like 10 minutes early.

Then came the fun part--the weigh-in.

I've dropped 40 pounds since the end of January, kids. VICTORY FOR ZIM!

BP was a little jacked-up because I basically hauled ass from one end of Duke campus to the other--but when they re-checked it after 10 minutes?  I was golden. 121/70

So my endo is happy, I'm happy, we're all happy and everything is awesome. So that's my boast.

The rest of the day was...hmm. Now see, I hadn't eaten anything that morning, because I knew I was getting labs done. But I wanted to grab the bus ASAP after my appointment, so rather than stop at the cafeteria and have something to eat I decided to just haul it to the bus stop. I got on the 412, got bitched at by the rude-ass driver (who I've had an issue with ever since I used to take the 747 to work) because I wanted to take the scenic route rather than the 413 back to the Park, but I ignored her and just cranked the iPod while going on a bus tour of parts of Chapel Hill and Durham that I hadn't seen before (specifically, deep inside UNC campus and the Streets of Southpoint). Get back to the RTP, decide "what the hell, I'll go visit my homiez at D.H. Hill Library"--and I get on the 105 to State. Visit with everyone that I could find at the Library, then went to get on the 105 back to the Park so I could catch the 301 home.

And that's about when the heat combined with my lack of sustenance and a dangerously low and non-refilled water supply to layeth the smacketh down upon my candy ass. First the Carter-Finley WolfLine bus blows past me without even seeing I was there. Then half an hour later the 105 headed back to the Park blew past me. I'd been standing in the heat for close to an hour and a half now (counting walking time around campus), wearing sweats, and I was starting to slowly fade. My sciatic nerve went "oh, fuck you--I've been good for long enough, now I'm going to give you issues" and my right leg started hurting like a sumbitch along with my back. There was no way in the Nine Worlds I was going to last the 45 minutes I would have had to wait for the next bus. So I hobbled to the SECU branch right across from State, and camped their water fountain in the lobby--fending off any puzzled querents with my membership card, to prove that I wasn't some bum off the street. And I called Genghis and begged him to come get me.

Got lectured, of course--but he shut up when he realized that I really was in need of that emergency evac. He stopped at the Sonic over near where we live, and all I could think of was something cold and tasty.

"I would be ever so grateful," I said, "for a Cherry Limeade Chiller."

I hadn't had one in ages--it was awesome. No cherry or lime wedge, but it was cool and it was tasty and I decided to treat it as the "once in a blue moon" reward I deserved. Mmmm....Cherry Limeade Chiller.

Oh yeah, and when I got home I had a Soyjoy and three or four turkey-lettuce wraps with some pasta salad. And more water. And a cool shower. And a nap. Because, y'know, I kinda needed them.

The Mighty Cup of Awesome

The week has been kind to me so far. Walking has begun again, with no palpitations. This is a relief to me, because I missed my walkies.

My taxes are going to be filed soon--I'm looking at getting about a grand or so, which I am seriously considering investing in either a stationary bike OR in a down-payment on a used car (so I can go to the Planet Fitness a few miles down the road). Thoughts?  Yesno?

My birthday is coming in about 4 months. I'll be getting my Hammer then, at Blue Flame tattoo on Peace Street--it'll piss off the husband, which I don't care about. My body, my choice, yadda yadda. The Ansuz rune will come the night before I go back to uni again, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. But we'll see.

That's all for now.